Monster Me

Today I am not myself.

Well, I wasn't last night either.

Over the past 12 hours or so I have become an evil, green, emotional monster. I terrorize myself by turning molehills into mountains. I run around my house shouting at tiny ants with microscopic brains and vanquishing them with 409, Windex, or anything I can get my hands on. When they crawl on my arm to escape, I slap them as hard as I can. I feel nothing from the sting of the slap because my anger towards the ants is far greater. I violently wipe them away and vigorously mop the floors, pretending the mopping will help me win the battle. When a spider appears after the ants vanish for only a moment, I mercilessly murder that eight-legged critter with the belly of the Windex bottle. I stomp, I wipe, I mop, I groan, I cry. But I cannot win. They are an army and I am one monster. One monster with a million things to do and no time to deal with this relentless army. I think I'll go to bed. Let them storm my house. I don't care.

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Unfortunately, being an evil, green monster does not make anything better. It really wasn't just the ants that pushed my emotional stability over the edge. A bunch of tiny, insignificant things added up and the ants just happened to be the trigger. Poor ants. (They really shouldn't have been there anyway, but still - poor ants.)

And poor hubby. Poor hubby had to deal - and is still dealing - with a defeated, emotional monster. With many little things on my to-do list, everything seemed like a big chore this morning. (On top of all that, I didn't go for my run and my makeup & hairbrush were left in the hubby's car in the repair shop!) So his first sighting of me today was a whiny, sloppy, makeup-less, blubbering wife who packed him a hot dog and a can of raviolis for lunch. Oye. Thank goodness he is patient with me.

I wish I could say I handled everything with peace and patience. I wish I could say that I just took a moment to pray & give my worries to the Lord and trusted Him to help me get everything done gracefully. But I didn't. I trusted in myself and let everything wash me away.

I think right now I am coming out of the emotional funk. I'm still a little highstrung, but I'm realizing that the hubby is right: I am really making big deals out of little things. I need to take another deep breath, give everything to the Lord, and let it go. Prayerfully, I need to go step by step and let go of the little things. My life and the things I do will not be perfect. It's not supposed to be. It's not worth it to get myself all uptight and stress out the people around me. Rest. I will rest in the Lord. Thank goodness He is patient and helps us realize our failures so we can remember to come to Him.

I'm still not wearing makeup & I still haven't brushed my hair (Yes, I did go to work today like that), but it's ok because I know that the Lord cares much more that I learn these lessons than worry about those little things.

Frazzled but feeling less like a monster.

Loved

Today is my birthday!

At 23 birthdays aren't super big deals anymore, but for some reason I'm just so excited this year! The weekend is planned and it's going to be just wonderful. Most of that is due to my wonderful hubb-a-doo.

So this morning I walk into work and I'm greeted by two adorable birthday cards smiling at me from my desk. Then, in walks my social worker and she hands me a cute little bouquet of flowers! Right after her, my activities lady brings me a donut and a bunch of balloons!! Talk about spoiled.

After such a wonderful morning, I expected a quiet little afternoon. But instead I got spoiled again by a visit from my mommy, my big-little brother and their dog! Mom had to go to work so she didn't stay long, but my brother and Brodie stayed for my lunch break and walked around in the backyard. Bud & I had a good time walking around talking and Brodie loved running around outside!! Super cute. This dog has so much fur around his neck that he looks like a little lion. Thus, I call him 'little lion' every time I see him and today, while I watched him run around, he looked quite content roaming around his new-found kingdom.

It's been a super sunshine-y day and it's not even over yet! Later, the hubbster and I plan to Skype with some family up north and then it's a date night at the Cheesecake Factory!

So thankful for a lovely birthday.

Refresh

Today I explored a fascinating website & got inspired!

There were so many do-it-yourself ideas that made me want to just stay home all day and work on re-vamp projects around the house. I really want to reorganize everything and make it all cute & matchy! Most of this is hard to do right now since a bunch of our stuff is in boxes due to an impending move. But now I have a list of things I want to do around the house - sooner or later - and I'm really excited!

1. Paint and give our headboard an antique-y feel like this 

    (it's really boring right now & it needs help)

2. Stain and refinish our kitchen table & chairs

3. Reupholster kitchen chairs

4. Add some homemade artwork from random stuff around the house

I love art projects! I love turning something random or discarded and turning it into something beautiful or handy. Recently I've made some homemade cards for Father's Day & a few birthdays so I'm definitely in the crafty mood.

Excited to apply craftiness to my home!

Simple & Sweet

Yesterday we spent some time at the beach with my aunt & little cousins.

It was so peaceful and beautiful.

I don't have a picture of her brother because he was hanging with my hubby and burning driftwood with his magnifying glass. Boys. I just love 'em.

My aunt & I watched her taunt the waves with her little cry of, "Come and get me, water!" Then, she would scoop up a mound of sand and throw it at the waves, as if to show them who was boss.

So cute. Definitely a good time to be remembered.

Togetherness

Over about the past week and a half, my hubby & I have been down to one car. His car overheated and blew a headgasket and will now need a whole new engine, most likely. This is pretty typical - of MY car! Usually his is the reliable, super hero car that can withstand anything. But I suppose it has met its match now.

Anyway, since we don't work the same hours and we 30 minutes away from anything, I have to go to work early with him. Get up at 8am and be there by 9am. Thankfully, I only work up the hill from him, so I could walk up to my work at noon. Together, we get home around 9:30pm. You wouldn't think 3 hours in the morning is such a big deal, but it definitely makes a difference in getting stuff done around the house. Floors need to be swept, dishes (thankfully not too many) need to be done, and pig cages need to be cleaned (yes, we have two guinea pigs - have I mentioned that before?). Usually, I do all these things in the morning before I go to work.

But I do love driving together. With one car, we get to spend more time together and go home at the same time. We get an extra 30 minutes to chat and laugh together or unwind from our busy days together. I love together. We are both always so busy and it's just a real blessing to be able to have a few minutes of doing nothing but driving together. I'm going to miss it when his car gets fixed...haha.

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Yesterday after work, my hubby went for a hike with some friends and I spent some time at Barnes and Noble before I went and picked him up. After dawdling around in the Biography/Memoir section, I headed over to the Children's books and found an entire section of Caldecott Medal winners!  The Little House, Mister Seahorse (some beautiful but weird book about male fish who carry their eggs around in the ocean), and a bunch of others from my childhood.

As I browsed the rest of the Caldecott Medal section, I looked at the top and found Sylvester and the Magic Pebble!! I know it's silly, but I just get so excited when I find a good kid's book!

I started giggling to myself when I read through the pages. When I was little, my brother and I had a tape to go along with this cute, little book. The squeaky voice that played Sylvester always cracked me up.

After I picked up my hubby from his hike, I decided to read the book to him on our drive home, trying to mimick the voices I remembered from years and years ago.

 

When I got to the part where Sylvester gets excited about the possible wishes he could make with his newfound pebble, I did my best to squeak with excitement. And when it came time to speak for the goofy-voiced lion, I did my best to sound confused and bewildered when Sylvester tragically turns himself into a rock out of sheer panic.

But the best part of all, is that this funny little book that sparked my memory yesterday ends with a happily-ever-after. Sylvester's family goes for a picnic and when they place the magic pebble on top of Rock Sylvester, he wishes himself back into a donkey and there are "kisses, questions, answers, loving looks, and fond exclamations!" This book is really meant for a 5 year old, but it's still cute to me!

 

Foster or Fraudster?

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Dear children who have ended up in the foster care system,

My heart goes out to you, dear ones. I have no experiences of being in your shoes and I don't fully understand what you're going through, but I've heard and read things that have broken my heart into a million pieces. Hold on and be strong. Run to Jesus; He'll keep you safe. No matter what you're going through or how hard it is to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, He cares and He'll hide you in His love. If I could, I would wrap you in my own arms and never let anything bad happen to you. My prayer is that you have been placed in safe and loving homes for the duration of your journey and not trapped under the discipline of an evil or uncaring caregiver. I don't know you, but I love you and I'm praying for you.

Love,
A friend

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Recently, I have been reading a book called Three Little Words: A Memoir by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. It follows the young life of a girl forced into the foster care system after her mother can no longer take care of her, due to drugs and other illegal activities. She is constantly passed from home to home and recounts all the struggles, fears, and sparks of hope that she experienced. Since this is a memoir, I feel like I get more of a realistic look at what really went on while little Ashley was sloshed about in the foster care system. Through her honest voice throughout the script, it seems clear that she did her research and went back to find out what exactly happened to her. Her details are clear and she's honest when she isn't sure about something.

Not everything that happened to her was bad. She reminisces about time she spent in her grandmother's care, a few calm homes where she was the only or one of a small number of children in the house, and short visits with her mother where she was given presents. But the bad things she experienced broke my heart. One of the worst homes, so far as I've read (which is about halfway through), was the home of a wicked woman who relished discipline. She was angry all the time, only changed the bedsheets every months (even if they wet the bed), made the children drink hot sauce or squat under a counter if they were naughty, and made all 14 of them bathe in the same 8 inches of bathwater - babies, toddlers, and elementary children alike! Once when little Ashley threw up and didn't make it to the bathroom, the lady shoved her face in it and made her clean it up. This horrible woman would then turn around and bake cookies and brownies, and serve lemonade on days the caseworkers came to visit. But of course, the children never got any. All they got was a stern warning not to say anything that made her look bad.


This afternoon, I spoke to a friend who informed me that she had actually spent some time in the foster care system herself. I was shocked. She explained that there really are some terrible foster families out there. She remembered always being hungry while she was there and having to sneak out to steal food while the foster mom wasn't awake so she and her sister wouldn't starve. She even heard the foster mom tell one of her friends at some house party that those kids in the other room were helping her "rake in the dough."


Hungry, unloved, mistreated. This is NOT how children should be raised - if you can even call it raising. If there is ever a child I know who is teetering between a rough life and the system, you bet your buttons I'll take them under my roof in a heartbeat if they'll let me. No child should have to go through such terrible conditions.

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On a happy note, I was so thankful to learn earlier this week that some good friends of mine are looking into becoming foster parents! They are fantastic people - so loving and caring and focused on Jesus. I know that they will do everything in their power to give the kids that come their way a good home filled with only happy memories. I am so thankful for goldhearted people like these!

Technology Lapse

It's amazing how much we rely on technology; even something as simple as the phone.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the time period in which the telephone was invented and discovered that Alexander Graham Bell invented the first official telephone in 1876! (Yes, I'm truly amazed that it's been so long. I mostly stared out the window during history class.) With that much time to develop and update the telephone, you'd think we'd have it down pat today. But no. As we all know, there are glitches and moments of kaput-ness that happen all the time (besides dropping a cell phone in the toilet or a lake).

Today at work, my telephone and internet lines were out for about 3 hours. Nurses couldn't call doctors or families and vice versa. I had our wonderful IT guys on it almost instantly (thanks to my handy, dandy cell phone), but something had gone wrong in our server's server (details of which I honestly have no clue about) and we were stuck  for that stretch of time. Three hours really isn't that long, but with those families, doctors, and other important people checking in or needing to be informed, I'm sure there was more panic outside my silent little island than I realized.

For myself, I couldn't do much since our internet went down with the phones as well. Most of my work is done through documents saved on an internet-powered server, so I did what I could without it. My cell phone sure did get a workout though from the important people who needed to contact me while we were out of service.


After our phones came back up, I got a call from a sister community who informed me that a concerned family member had called wondering what was up. So, I called this sweet lady back. She was worried that maybe we had had a fire or something terrible had happened. Needless to say, she was very relieved that it was only a phone outage.

It's amazing what one short lapse of communication can trigger.

Start 'Em Early

"When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity

in a way that no other reading in your life does..."
 -- Nora Ephron

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If you've ever watched You've Got Mail, you know that quote. It was spoken by the character Kathleen Kelly, the owner of an adorable children's bookstore, and is one of my favorite lines in the entire movie.

I agree with Ms. Ephron with every fiber of my being. As a kid, I read hundreds of thousands of books. My mom called me her little bookworm and I have no idea where most of the books on my little shelf came from. Some were gifts, some came from friends, and some came from thrift stores or garage sales. Somehow, I was always soaking up a new book. I was the kid who hid a flashlight & book under her pillow and suffered a lack of oxygen underneath the covers just so I could find out "what happened next" after I was told to turn out the lights. I am so thankful to my parents for giving me all those pages and encouraging me to read as much as they did! I believe I am a better person because of it.

As a big advocate for inspiring, wholesome children's books, I thought it might be fun to pick out a few of my favorites. So here you go!

These are some of my favorite children's books

that should be found in every little one's library:

Rainbow Fish! How can you NOT love Rainbow Fish?? This is such a great lesson about sharing and putting others above yourself. Fantastic storyline. The paintings and shiny, opal-colored pieces of paper definitely help attract the less-interested child as well. That's always a plus!

Full of energy and comedy, this book will spellbound any child. It starts with giving a mouse a cookie and by the end of it, you'll have to give that mouse a bazillion other things! Adorable and hilarious.

So endearing. My mom used to tear up when she read it to us. This is better for older kids who have been reading for a little while, but if your kid can catch on to repetitive lines, it'll be a good one. It's a good reminder for parents too.

 

And last but most certainly not least, one of my favorite children's authors. Shel Silverstein writes some amazing things for the kids. He also has a number of volumes with comical poems in them, and I highly recommend those as well!  This book happens to be one of my very favorites. It's another lesson in sharing and giving of yourself for others. I've only read it a couple hundred times and every time is as good as the last. The title explains it all. A tree loves a boy and gives everything it can to make the boy happy. Fabulous.

Happy reading!