Sleep?

So last night I didn't sleep much. Maybe 4 hours... which for me is like not sleeping at all! I usually snooze for at least 8 hours (yep, I'm lazy. Trying to work on that...), but last night I couldn't turn my brain off. I've been working on being diligent with a lot of things (like housework, Bible reading, etc.) and last night I kept making lists in my head. I would remember something and then get up to write it down. Then I would lie there for a while, trying to will myself to sleep, but I ended up just staring at the back of my eyelids. (They had kind of a black and white swirly pattern on them. Strange, I know.) The hubby had fallen asleep around 11pm while we were watching our show, so after I finished the episode, I flicked it off and curled up to sleep with no success. I turned on a little light. Maybe a little reading and writing will bring the sleepiness... Nope. After that I tried to watch a little bit of Downton Abbey on netflix (which, might I add, is an amazing show and I can't WAIT for the next season to come out! Watch it if you like early 1900s era movies. You'll love it!). Sometimes tv puts you to sleep, right? (exhibit A: husband) 

Alas, I had no luck until around 2am. Once I had finally fallen asleep, it felt like just one second later I was being woken up by a lovely 6am call from my best friend in Arkansas. I groggily let it go to voicemail, but hubby woke up too and reminded me that I should check it in case it was an emergency. It was 8am her time and she just left me a sweet little message that she missed me and wanted to say hi. It's nice to feel so loved even when you're barely awake. 

After that I tried to fall back to sleep, but the hubby stayed awake too.

Hubby: Are you awake?

Me: Yep.

Hubby: Is it because I'm talking to you?

Me: Nope. I just can't go back to sleep. 

After that we didn't try to go back to sleep. Up and at 'em and here we go! Another day has begun! Despite the short sleep hours, I had plenty of energy for the morning and accomplished so much! Laundry, dishes, studying... Diligence: check! (Just kidding; it's a looooong process.) 

But by the time I had to get ready for work, I was ready to go back to sleep. The 30 minute drive to work didn't help. But I kept myself busy at work to stay awake. And the sweet hubby even brought me a chai tea to help me stay awake through the quiet evening. 

And now I am thoroughly exhausted. I bet I'll sleep like a baby tonight. 

Still Learning to Love

I did not want to leave the house today. At all. I just wanted to stay home and be cozy. And read. And enjoy a quiet day with no demands in it. After I'd gotten up, showered, and dressed for the day, I layed there on my bed for a good 15 minutes trying to come up with a good enough excuse to call in sick. 

My stomach hurts.

My brain is fuzzy.

My legs won't work. 

Nope. None of these would work in the real world. So I pulled myself together and sat down to soak up some sort encouragement to get through the day. I was not going to let myself get lost in a fiction book this morning and run out of time to read what really matters. 

1 Peter is really refreshing when you need hardcore reminders. Last night I had to deal with one repercussion from two weeks ago when I went temporarily insane. I hadn't thought one choice I'd made through completely and someone was really mad at me for it (and told me so last night!). In my attempt to do the right thing and look out for those who cannot really defend themselves, I forgot to look on the human side of things and approach it in love. (Boy, I needed to remember to love that week...) So this morning, I was really reminded to love as Jesus loves. 

"...be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing."  3:8-9

It wasn't that I'd done something mean or evil, but I just hadn't done it lovingly. I wish I had. I'm super thankful to say that for the most part I handled her confrontation lovingly (considering), but I still need to focus more on this as well:

"...let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit..." 3:10

Words are powerful and can be a pain in the butt if handled unwisely. I'm still learning to tame this wild tongue of mine. 

I'm so grateful that we have a God who is patient with us when we struggle to hold onto even the easiest & smallest lessons.

Bringing Christmas to October

It rained off and on today. I donned a cozy scarf today in anticipation of sprinkles. And just in case there was a chance I'd need them, I packed my yellow raincoat, yellow rainboots, and my striped umbrella. Of course, it only rained when I was inside sadly, but, hey, I can wish...

...maybe tomorrow I can splash in some puddles...

CREDIT

This turn of the weather has definitely switched me into holiday mode. (Thank you, October, for being so chilly & crisp!) Pandora now plays an entire genre of Christmas music just for me. I'm quite impressed that it has only played the good songs! I know, I know...you can tell it what you like and it "learns" what you like, but still! It's awesome. I now have some wonderfully, Christmas-y tunes floating through the room and it sure makes me a happy kayla. 

Christmas-ily Content. 

Falling Into the Seasons

Today I watched a leaf float upon the wind. 

Crisp and careless, never-resting, it fluttered up and down. The sun-kissed sliver of oak tree glittered across the lawn and gently perched itself upon a still-green shrub. 

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I love Fall. It's the season of sweaters, falling leaves, and pumpkins! My pumpkin spice candle is going to be a wonderful addition to my home this season. I just couldn't wait to burn it and get that smell wafting through my house, so the other day I just broke down and burned it! So worth it. If I had a fireplace, I wouldn't be able to wait to light that either. The crackle of the logs goes along perfectly with snuggling under a cozy blanket with a warm mug of something. (Preferably chai tea. Yum!)

Speaking of chai tea, I recently came across a neat idea for Christmas gifts. You know how people make those jars of dry ingredients for cookies or brownies? Well, I found one for chai tea! I've gotta test it and make sure it's nice and tasty, but hopefully this will become a neat gift this year! (If you get one from me, try to act surprised...)

I just can't wait to begin the holidays! 

Giving It Over

I love how God so beautifully resolves conflict. We worry and stress, get angry and cry, but in the end, He's got it all covered so there's no need for any of that. He's so good to us. 

That's what this week is all about for me: Learning to give it all away. Last week, I was monster-kayla and everything was a huge deal. But this week, I have consciously decided to give it all back to Him and look forward with the joy & hope He so graciously gave me. This week I choose joy. (It's amazing how much a little picture can inspire you toward what you know is right...)

And I know that He knew exactly what I needed to read yesterday:

Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."

"All flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass. The grass withers and its flower falls away, but the word of the LORD endures forever."

1 Peter 1:13-16, 24-25

Lord, You never let go of me...

Your perfect Love is casting out fear.

Even when I'm caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back
I know You are near.

Lord, You never let go
Through the calm & through the storm.

If my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?

What?

I want to write about how I made homemade Oreos the other day.

I want to write about how much fun my six-year-old cousin's birthday party was.

I want to write about my anticipation for our upcoming adventure to Universal Studios.  

I want to write something encouraging.

But my heart isn't in it. My heart hasn't been able to write for a while. I keep falling into this deep rut. I can't shake it. 

Even just trying to get that post out about Shangri La was painful. Nothing I wrote captured what I wanted to and I just couldn't flow or bring it all together. It just kind of flopped out like a dead fish. And that is not how I intended to encapsulate China. It was an incredible adventure, deserving of an equally incredible post. But I failed it. 

I think I'm still processing everything we experienced and because of that I'm just feeling so lost. I don't know how to process. It's hard being home. I can't explain it. I'm so happy to be home with my family (whom I love so deeply), but at the same time I don't feel like I'm really here. I see the selfishness of American life and it makes me want to throw up. I see the selfishness in my own daily life that I can't really escape and I feel the same revulsion. I have to go to work 5 days a week on a depressing schedule that runs me until 8:30pm and I  must deal with people who get upset over stupid little things, constantly trying to suck me into their pettiness. (Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful I have a job - a very good job, at that.) I keep getting irritated so easily by minor things and - as much as I hate to admit it - I want to cry all the time. I have so many things that I have to do or the world falls apart and I feel like I can't breathe. 

But it all feels so selfish. In China, we spent almost every day meeting new, like-minded people and working alongside them. We saw how devoted they were & how amazing their mission was. We took van and bus rides to visit people we barely knew. We drank yak butter tea and swallowed sour yak cheese just to get to know these familiar strangers, whom we instantly loved because He loved us first. I got the opportunity to share His love with an incredibly kind and unassuming Tibetan woman & our only common ground was our same age and our brand new friendship with two amazing M's. On our journey, we met people from all over the world and worked together for the only Purpose that matters. 

People have mentioned reentry after a missions trip to me, but no one really explained to me what would happen. They said it might be hard and you might have feelings of this or that. Half the time, I can't even figure out what I'm thinking or feeling. Maybe I wasn't fully listening. Maybe I was too confident in my own adaptability. Whatever it was, I just don't feel like I was prepared for this. How could I have been? 

Shangri La

We spent about a week with our friends in Shangri La. And let me tell you, the place has been beautifully named. The mountains, the wide open spaces, the architecture, and the wonderful people all create such an inviting atmosphere. The people of Shangri La were so kind and unassuming, even the ones we did not know. Once I saw an older man come up to one of my friend's children and ask if he could take a picture. Instantly, I thought, "Uh, no way! Not safe!" but my friend had no worries. She let him pick up the little girl, take a picture, and just go on his merry way. That would not happen in the US. 

On our first night there, it poured buckets. Looking out from our hostel balcony window, streams flowed from the sloping rooftops, sparkled in the lights from the nearby square, and landed on the cobblestone with a constant splatting noise. The raindrops were preparing the path for our adventurous hike the next morning so that we could squish through mud and avoid mucky puddles. But the rain also gave us an amazing blue sky interrupted by only a few puffy, white clouds. 

The countryside was gorgeous and well-worth the exploratory hike up Shangri La Mountain. Throughout our time in Shangri La, we visited many Tibetan homes and they were so kind and inviting. One of our van drivers lived near a friend we visited and, after discovering where we were headed, enthusiastically invited us over to meet his family while we were there! We had such giving hostesses in these Tibetan villages and they served us so lovingly of all their finest foods: Barley bread, barley powder, yak yogurt, yak cheese, home grown potatoes, and, of course, the infamous yak butter tea. 

What a lovely table she set!

Yak butter tea the quick & modern way

Yak butter tea, barley powder & a bit of yak yogurt - all mixed together! It tasted a little like chocolate, oddly enough...

On Sunday, we wandered over to the old town square for a bit of bbq. Do these people know how to bbq or what?? Yum to the tum!

Such an amazing time with so many stories. I've showed you a lot of the food because I can't share with you everything about the people because of internet safety. But what I can tell you is that there is some amazing work being done there for His sake and I am blessed to have taken such a minuscule part in it. Our friends working out there have the most loving and open hearts I have ever seen. At times I couldn't count how many people were in their home fellowshipping and I was amazed by this hospitality that took place in such a small home. They were unafraid and fully trusting in Him. My God is truly amazing. 

The Food: Kunming & Lijiang

Everyone in America wants to really know how the food is in China. Is it like Panda Express? No. In fact, I'm sure any Chinese travelers visiting America would find Panda Express insulting. 

My opinion: The food is incredible! I really could eat it (and use chopsticks!) all the time. I got pictures of most of the significant meals we experienced, but some were so delicious that I gobbled it down without thinking to take a picture! Noodles, rice, and vegetables really are a staple and, in Shangri La, it seems that yak meat is too. On the plane and in Kunming & Lijiang, we definitely had some exciting food experiences, and here are some photos of those.

This is not Chinese food:

This is simply airplane food. Definitely not my favorite eating experience, but doable. The bread had a sort of plastic taste to it, but the butter seemed to fix that. The rice was just fine (how do you mess up rice?), but the chicken kind of creeped me out. Hard to describe. China airlines was nice enough to feed us this strange tasting airplane food twice on our flight over, and once more on our hopper plane. So we were fed three times in an estimated 17 hours. The breakfast on our hopper plane consisted of some sort of seafood (for me) or chicken alfredo noodles with vegetables. It worked. 

Chicken & Vegetable Mission 

This was our first REAL Chinese meal! Our friend recommended this place to us in Kunming and, ignoring its  hole-in-the-wall appearance, the food was delicious! They brought out a little platter with unidentified vegetables and roots on it and you were to dump the whole plate and any spices you wanted into the broth, noodles, and chicken. I added their spicy chili paste and it was incredible! The cockroaches on the wall could not lower my opinion of this little restaurant. 

Do you think they gave me a big enough bowl?? Unfortunately for one of my fellow travelers, he ordered some seemingly simple chicken here and it came out cold and in weird chunks. But my other friends enjoyed their potato chips, white rice & fried rice, so it's full marks for the little Kunming restaurant!

Train Station Cream Bread

Before embarking on our 10 hour train ride to Lijiang, someone in our group picked up some tasty cream bread for a snack. Yum! It tasted like coconut bread biscuits and their tiny size was perfect for train snacking. Good find!

Peanut Drink

This cool little drink was like a sip of liquid peanut butter! Anyone who knows me knows that I am a peanut butter addict, so this was amazing. You can't drink too much of it because it's really filling, but it's so creamy & delicious that it's hard to resist. I wonder where I can find this in the states...

Chicken Rice Noodle Breakfast

Once we made it to Lijiang around 5am, we wandered out into old town for a while before experiencing a more traditional Chinese breakfast - noodles! And yes, this actually is chicken. It looks like beef, but it's little chicken cubes. Most of the chicken bits were yummy, but the noodles and the broth were fantastic. I never thought to have noodles for breakfast before, but I find it quite genius. This was another tiny hole-in-the-wall place, but it was very crowded and popular. Two little kids from another family shared one of our tables because there were so many shoved into the tiny restaurant. As you walked up to the doorless hotspot, a bbq  filled with roasting tofu and some sort of green dumpling dessert covered in sesame seeds greeted you. 

As a side dish to this wiggly breakfast, we were also served boiled dumplings. Dumplings - potstickers, dumplings, whichever you prefer to call them - are so delicious! I've always loved Americanized potstickers, but they were usually from a frozen bag and fried. Boiled fresh in China is much better (but the pan-fried ones we had later on in our adventure were just as scrumptious!). 

Hot Pot

Now THIS was cool. In the center of a giant, round table sat this boiling pot of broth and meat. Meat: Donkey & Mutton (lamb). The donkey tasted like beef and the mutton was a little squishy. I definitely prefer the donkey. As the meal went along, all kinds of fascinating vegetables were added to the pot. Taro, lotus, potatoes, elephant ear fungus (mushroom), bok choy, lettuce, and a few others. It boiled and cooked until the veggies were all tender. It was all delicious!!  

Each person was given a small bowl of this cilantro and walnut mixture. You were supposed to add some of the broth to it and then dip your meat and veggies into it. Cilantro makes everything taste better, so the combination was so flavorful. Definitely an experience to remember. 

There were many other foods we experienced in these two cities - Chinese KFC, Chinese Pizza Hut, Naxi fry bread, Chinese yogurt with mango - and overall it was a tastebud-tickling good time. Why can't American food culture be this interesting? 

Home Sweet Home

Hello! I've been in China the past three weeks! 

It was an amazing adventure!

 I'll be sharing about it in blurbs here and there over the next however many days, weeks, months to come!

 

Stay tuned!

Whole Grain

This weekend I spent time as a counselor up at our church's Jr. High camp. God was really moving up there, and not only in the kids' hearts. I learned and realized so much all over again. He is truly amazing. 

I take prayer for granted far more than I ever care to admit and I truly do not want to continue this pattern. God longs to spend time with me - amazingly enough - and so often I blow Him off because I have things to do or places to be. How ridiculous is that?? I need to spend time just chatting with Him, sharing with Him and just giving Him my heart. And I want to. As I did leave camp a day early, I got to enjoy two sweet hours of prayer with my God on the drive home. I was expecting a sad, lonely drive because I missed my husband, friends, and campers before I even left, but instead God blessed me with some wonderful God-&-Kay time. He helped me to turn off the distractions and just focus. I'm so thankful!

I am one tiny grain of sand floating around in a world of a million beaches & a thousand deserts. If my life is so small and what God has done for me is so great, how can I give just half or even a tiny portion of my grain? Give Him the whole grain! I have to. My debt was so great and He paid it all because He loves me. My heart should always be overflowing with love for Him and thankfulness for what He has done. It kills me that my heart slacks and gets lazy in my love for Him. But instead of listening to Satan's lies that tell me God won't forgive me again this time, I'll hold tight to the promise that He's given me. A promise of forgiveness, grace, mercy, and hope. He has repositioned my heart once again. 

So, here you go, God. Here's my whole grain!

Photo Credit

Pausing in the Busy

Life is just busy. But despite that, it's always a blessing when you can pause for a second and reflect on everything that is constantly buzzing around. For me, when I take that pause - like right now - I realize how silly getting stressed is and how blessed I really am.

Tonight my in-laws are taking the hubby and I out to dinner to celebrate our 2nd anniversary and Nick's 24th birthday. What a fun night it shall be! A relaxing night of good food and great company. (Hopefully my Nicky-poo won't be too tired or sunburnt after a long day of beach baptism facilitating.) I lucked out with the best in-laws a girl could ask for. I love them so dearly.

This coming week I get to go hang out with my Jr. High kiddos for a few days! There will be wonderful worship, amazing teachings, and energetic kids overloading on sugar. And of course just a few minutes of sleep. The kids make every Calvary Chapel summer camp a memorable adventure and I'm so excited to see what God will be teaching all of us. This summer, my wonderful hubby gets the honor of teaching one of the workshops up there. So cool! I'm so thankful that I get to help out with these camps, even though I have to leave a day early this time to get back to work. It will definitely all be worth driving down the mountain alone Tuesday morning. God is so cool.

Unfortunately, in this busy little week there is also a memorial. My grandfather passed away a little while ago. It's a little bit odd for me since I haven't seen him in years, but I remember some really good times. When I was little, we used to call him the "grandpa with the mole" because he has a large mole on his forehead. Now that I think about it, it sounds so rude. But back then, it was kind of like a funny little nickname that we all laughed about. Hopefully, a lot of my family will be at the memorial so good memories will get passed around.

Throughout the week, there will be a million errands to run and preparations to make. But at the end, a flurry of packing and final stomach butterflies will ensue as the hubby and I get ready to take off on a grand adventure!! Yippee for being blissfully busy!! (And I mean that most sincerely.)

Genuine Love: The Anniversary Poem

Two years. Two lives. One cord jointly lacing.

Seaming together one constant love from simple souls,

Tenderly the needle of devotion threads strong.

We are the pieces of a well-crafted puzzle

Designed and fit to a seamless, locking match.

Deeper than any and truer than all,

Yours is the heart of a genuine love.

Sweetly, honestly, and with no unkind desire

That heart pursues valor and spurs me to virtue.

Grateful. Inspired. You tame the wild in me

And stronger, wiser, encourage me to be.

When life greets us each morning with a kiss & butterfly,

We will dance in the joy that’s been given.

And when angry rolls those thunderheads of trouble,

Our thrice-entwined love stands a pillar.

With awed, honored traces of tears in my eyes,

My heart bursts forth unrestrained.

“How is it that I, undeserving of such,

Am blessed by a God so divine?”

My heart. My love. My undeservéd gift.

-K.B.

And here is the comical, writer's block version for those interested to see the poem before it became a real poem: 

With every fiber of my being, I sat down to write a verse.
I wanted to explain my heart with eloquented words.
But as I went to write, all ideas in my head,
I bumped and bumbled scribbily and couldn’t make them bend.
Tenderly, I wanted to describe to you this needle of devotion
That over these two lovely years has sewn us with one motion.
To our two hearts I’d compare two reams of fabric that
Through that blessed needle have become one single flat.
Two puzzle pieces also were two symbols that I loved.
They fit together perfectly, designed by God above.
I wanted just to compliment your genuine, sweet heart
That keeps me from my crazy and deals with my brain farts. 
But as I said, I went to write and words fought me away.
They must have known that you, my love, don’t need a lavish say.
So simple, sweet, adoring words are what I bring today
In the form of this your anniversary card - hurray!

The Battle in the Radio

Sweet sounds of worship music playing in my head.

Up the hill I go.

Slowly, static buzzes. Louder, louder.

Wordless, angry notes start to battle through the static.

At the top of the hill, they begin to take over.

All worship is drowned out. 

Angry static boasts too soon.

Down the hill I go. 

Pieces of praise try to sound through.

Sudden. Loud. Victorious. I hear His Name praised.

The anger and the static die a silent death.

Even in the radio, He reigns. 

Don't Be Like Mr. Nezzar

I'm learning from Daniel and Nebuchadnezzar:

Daniel prayed constantly and consistently.
Daniel was faithful.
Daniel was bold and humble.
Daniel knew God would be faithful.
Daniel trusted God with everything.

Let's be like Daniel!

Mr. Nezzar was a pagan king.
Mr. Nezzar praised God when he saw God do cool things.
Mr. Nezzar made decrees to honor God.
Mr. Nezzar apparently forgot his decrees.
Mr. Nezzar made stupid idols when he knew who the real God was.
Mr. Nezzar saw God do amazing things and praised Him again.
Mr. Nezzar became prideful of his empire.
Mr. Nezzar ate grass like a cow.
Mr. Nezzar praised God and eventually realized His greatness.

Let's not be like Mr. Nezzar.

I am more like Nebuchadnezzar than I thought. At first glance I thought, "Whoa, this guy is really stupid! How many times does God have to show him His greatness before it gets through his thick skull??" ...But then I stopped. How many times have I done these things?? Sure, I'm not a king and I'm not ruling an empire and I don't build gigantic, gaudy idols, but I can create my own stupid idols in my heart - and I do so more often than I want to admit. So, in looking at this guy, I realize my own shortcomings and a little change in me has sparked. I don't want to make God break me down and throw me into the field like a cow. I want to learn the first time. I know I won't always, but a stronger desire to obey Him has arisen because of Mr. Nezzar and I'm aiming to listen a lot harder and longer when God speaks. This past week has been a real growing week. 

"Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all of whose works [are] truth, and His ways justice. And those who walk in pride He is able to put down." - Daniel 4:37

Brand New Love

Two very close friends of mine got engaged to each other today.

I am simply thrilled for them!!

The best part about it is that God is alllll over that relationship. You can just see it. It's the most beautiful thing ever. God is amazing. 

Congratulation, Christian & Sierra!! I love you both so much!!

Morning Glory

5:30 am is not my favorite time. 

Lick, smack, lick, smack, lick, smack, lick, smack, lick, smack, lick...

This is Howie code for, "I'm gonna pop!" After this, comes the heaving and the scramble to get him out the front door before he detonates.

(I know, you reeeeally wanted to know that; but at least I'm not describing it in gross detail...)

Despite the fact that the roosters hadn't crowed yet, I didn't mind taking care of the lovely pup upchuck. He didn't just stand there and do his thing, he tip-toed heaving towards the door and looked back at me with those pleading eyes to make sure I was coming to open it. He knows! Upchuck goes out the door, not on the floor. 

And not only that, he walked off the patio and out to the dirt. Ha! My dog is a genius. 

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So, at 5:50am, I gave my good boy some love, snuggled him into his fluffy pillow, and crashed back into my own with a smile on my face.

11:15 am Note: He seems to be feeling a lot better now. 

Monster Me

Today I am not myself.

Well, I wasn't last night either.

Over the past 12 hours or so I have become an evil, green, emotional monster. I terrorize myself by turning molehills into mountains. I run around my house shouting at tiny ants with microscopic brains and vanquishing them with 409, Windex, or anything I can get my hands on. When they crawl on my arm to escape, I slap them as hard as I can. I feel nothing from the sting of the slap because my anger towards the ants is far greater. I violently wipe them away and vigorously mop the floors, pretending the mopping will help me win the battle. When a spider appears after the ants vanish for only a moment, I mercilessly murder that eight-legged critter with the belly of the Windex bottle. I stomp, I wipe, I mop, I groan, I cry. But I cannot win. They are an army and I am one monster. One monster with a million things to do and no time to deal with this relentless army. I think I'll go to bed. Let them storm my house. I don't care.

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Unfortunately, being an evil, green monster does not make anything better. It really wasn't just the ants that pushed my emotional stability over the edge. A bunch of tiny, insignificant things added up and the ants just happened to be the trigger. Poor ants. (They really shouldn't have been there anyway, but still - poor ants.)

And poor hubby. Poor hubby had to deal - and is still dealing - with a defeated, emotional monster. With many little things on my to-do list, everything seemed like a big chore this morning. (On top of all that, I didn't go for my run and my makeup & hairbrush were left in the hubby's car in the repair shop!) So his first sighting of me today was a whiny, sloppy, makeup-less, blubbering wife who packed him a hot dog and a can of raviolis for lunch. Oye. Thank goodness he is patient with me.

I wish I could say I handled everything with peace and patience. I wish I could say that I just took a moment to pray & give my worries to the Lord and trusted Him to help me get everything done gracefully. But I didn't. I trusted in myself and let everything wash me away.

I think right now I am coming out of the emotional funk. I'm still a little highstrung, but I'm realizing that the hubby is right: I am really making big deals out of little things. I need to take another deep breath, give everything to the Lord, and let it go. Prayerfully, I need to go step by step and let go of the little things. My life and the things I do will not be perfect. It's not supposed to be. It's not worth it to get myself all uptight and stress out the people around me. Rest. I will rest in the Lord. Thank goodness He is patient and helps us realize our failures so we can remember to come to Him.

I'm still not wearing makeup & I still haven't brushed my hair (Yes, I did go to work today like that), but it's ok because I know that the Lord cares much more that I learn these lessons than worry about those little things.

Frazzled but feeling less like a monster.

Loved

Today is my birthday!

At 23 birthdays aren't super big deals anymore, but for some reason I'm just so excited this year! The weekend is planned and it's going to be just wonderful. Most of that is due to my wonderful hubb-a-doo.

So this morning I walk into work and I'm greeted by two adorable birthday cards smiling at me from my desk. Then, in walks my social worker and she hands me a cute little bouquet of flowers! Right after her, my activities lady brings me a donut and a bunch of balloons!! Talk about spoiled.

After such a wonderful morning, I expected a quiet little afternoon. But instead I got spoiled again by a visit from my mommy, my big-little brother and their dog! Mom had to go to work so she didn't stay long, but my brother and Brodie stayed for my lunch break and walked around in the backyard. Bud & I had a good time walking around talking and Brodie loved running around outside!! Super cute. This dog has so much fur around his neck that he looks like a little lion. Thus, I call him 'little lion' every time I see him and today, while I watched him run around, he looked quite content roaming around his new-found kingdom.

It's been a super sunshine-y day and it's not even over yet! Later, the hubbster and I plan to Skype with some family up north and then it's a date night at the Cheesecake Factory!

So thankful for a lovely birthday.

Refresh

Today I explored a fascinating website & got inspired!

There were so many do-it-yourself ideas that made me want to just stay home all day and work on re-vamp projects around the house. I really want to reorganize everything and make it all cute & matchy! Most of this is hard to do right now since a bunch of our stuff is in boxes due to an impending move. But now I have a list of things I want to do around the house - sooner or later - and I'm really excited!

1. Paint and give our headboard an antique-y feel like this 

    (it's really boring right now & it needs help)

2. Stain and refinish our kitchen table & chairs

3. Reupholster kitchen chairs

4. Add some homemade artwork from random stuff around the house

I love art projects! I love turning something random or discarded and turning it into something beautiful or handy. Recently I've made some homemade cards for Father's Day & a few birthdays so I'm definitely in the crafty mood.

Excited to apply craftiness to my home!

Simple & Sweet

Yesterday we spent some time at the beach with my aunt & little cousins.

It was so peaceful and beautiful.

I don't have a picture of her brother because he was hanging with my hubby and burning driftwood with his magnifying glass. Boys. I just love 'em.

My aunt & I watched her taunt the waves with her little cry of, "Come and get me, water!" Then, she would scoop up a mound of sand and throw it at the waves, as if to show them who was boss.

So cute. Definitely a good time to be remembered.

Togetherness

Over about the past week and a half, my hubby & I have been down to one car. His car overheated and blew a headgasket and will now need a whole new engine, most likely. This is pretty typical - of MY car! Usually his is the reliable, super hero car that can withstand anything. But I suppose it has met its match now.

Anyway, since we don't work the same hours and we 30 minutes away from anything, I have to go to work early with him. Get up at 8am and be there by 9am. Thankfully, I only work up the hill from him, so I could walk up to my work at noon. Together, we get home around 9:30pm. You wouldn't think 3 hours in the morning is such a big deal, but it definitely makes a difference in getting stuff done around the house. Floors need to be swept, dishes (thankfully not too many) need to be done, and pig cages need to be cleaned (yes, we have two guinea pigs - have I mentioned that before?). Usually, I do all these things in the morning before I go to work.

But I do love driving together. With one car, we get to spend more time together and go home at the same time. We get an extra 30 minutes to chat and laugh together or unwind from our busy days together. I love together. We are both always so busy and it's just a real blessing to be able to have a few minutes of doing nothing but driving together. I'm going to miss it when his car gets fixed...haha.

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Yesterday after work, my hubby went for a hike with some friends and I spent some time at Barnes and Noble before I went and picked him up. After dawdling around in the Biography/Memoir section, I headed over to the Children's books and found an entire section of Caldecott Medal winners!  The Little House, Mister Seahorse (some beautiful but weird book about male fish who carry their eggs around in the ocean), and a bunch of others from my childhood.

As I browsed the rest of the Caldecott Medal section, I looked at the top and found Sylvester and the Magic Pebble!! I know it's silly, but I just get so excited when I find a good kid's book!

I started giggling to myself when I read through the pages. When I was little, my brother and I had a tape to go along with this cute, little book. The squeaky voice that played Sylvester always cracked me up.

After I picked up my hubby from his hike, I decided to read the book to him on our drive home, trying to mimick the voices I remembered from years and years ago.

 

When I got to the part where Sylvester gets excited about the possible wishes he could make with his newfound pebble, I did my best to squeak with excitement. And when it came time to speak for the goofy-voiced lion, I did my best to sound confused and bewildered when Sylvester tragically turns himself into a rock out of sheer panic.

But the best part of all, is that this funny little book that sparked my memory yesterday ends with a happily-ever-after. Sylvester's family goes for a picnic and when they place the magic pebble on top of Rock Sylvester, he wishes himself back into a donkey and there are "kisses, questions, answers, loving looks, and fond exclamations!" This book is really meant for a 5 year old, but it's still cute to me!

 

Foster or Fraudster?

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Dear children who have ended up in the foster care system,

My heart goes out to you, dear ones. I have no experiences of being in your shoes and I don't fully understand what you're going through, but I've heard and read things that have broken my heart into a million pieces. Hold on and be strong. Run to Jesus; He'll keep you safe. No matter what you're going through or how hard it is to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, He cares and He'll hide you in His love. If I could, I would wrap you in my own arms and never let anything bad happen to you. My prayer is that you have been placed in safe and loving homes for the duration of your journey and not trapped under the discipline of an evil or uncaring caregiver. I don't know you, but I love you and I'm praying for you.

Love,
A friend

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Recently, I have been reading a book called Three Little Words: A Memoir by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. It follows the young life of a girl forced into the foster care system after her mother can no longer take care of her, due to drugs and other illegal activities. She is constantly passed from home to home and recounts all the struggles, fears, and sparks of hope that she experienced. Since this is a memoir, I feel like I get more of a realistic look at what really went on while little Ashley was sloshed about in the foster care system. Through her honest voice throughout the script, it seems clear that she did her research and went back to find out what exactly happened to her. Her details are clear and she's honest when she isn't sure about something.

Not everything that happened to her was bad. She reminisces about time she spent in her grandmother's care, a few calm homes where she was the only or one of a small number of children in the house, and short visits with her mother where she was given presents. But the bad things she experienced broke my heart. One of the worst homes, so far as I've read (which is about halfway through), was the home of a wicked woman who relished discipline. She was angry all the time, only changed the bedsheets every months (even if they wet the bed), made the children drink hot sauce or squat under a counter if they were naughty, and made all 14 of them bathe in the same 8 inches of bathwater - babies, toddlers, and elementary children alike! Once when little Ashley threw up and didn't make it to the bathroom, the lady shoved her face in it and made her clean it up. This horrible woman would then turn around and bake cookies and brownies, and serve lemonade on days the caseworkers came to visit. But of course, the children never got any. All they got was a stern warning not to say anything that made her look bad.


This afternoon, I spoke to a friend who informed me that she had actually spent some time in the foster care system herself. I was shocked. She explained that there really are some terrible foster families out there. She remembered always being hungry while she was there and having to sneak out to steal food while the foster mom wasn't awake so she and her sister wouldn't starve. She even heard the foster mom tell one of her friends at some house party that those kids in the other room were helping her "rake in the dough."


Hungry, unloved, mistreated. This is NOT how children should be raised - if you can even call it raising. If there is ever a child I know who is teetering between a rough life and the system, you bet your buttons I'll take them under my roof in a heartbeat if they'll let me. No child should have to go through such terrible conditions.

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On a happy note, I was so thankful to learn earlier this week that some good friends of mine are looking into becoming foster parents! They are fantastic people - so loving and caring and focused on Jesus. I know that they will do everything in their power to give the kids that come their way a good home filled with only happy memories. I am so thankful for goldhearted people like these!

Technology Lapse

It's amazing how much we rely on technology; even something as simple as the phone.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the time period in which the telephone was invented and discovered that Alexander Graham Bell invented the first official telephone in 1876! (Yes, I'm truly amazed that it's been so long. I mostly stared out the window during history class.) With that much time to develop and update the telephone, you'd think we'd have it down pat today. But no. As we all know, there are glitches and moments of kaput-ness that happen all the time (besides dropping a cell phone in the toilet or a lake).

Today at work, my telephone and internet lines were out for about 3 hours. Nurses couldn't call doctors or families and vice versa. I had our wonderful IT guys on it almost instantly (thanks to my handy, dandy cell phone), but something had gone wrong in our server's server (details of which I honestly have no clue about) and we were stuck  for that stretch of time. Three hours really isn't that long, but with those families, doctors, and other important people checking in or needing to be informed, I'm sure there was more panic outside my silent little island than I realized.

For myself, I couldn't do much since our internet went down with the phones as well. Most of my work is done through documents saved on an internet-powered server, so I did what I could without it. My cell phone sure did get a workout though from the important people who needed to contact me while we were out of service.


After our phones came back up, I got a call from a sister community who informed me that a concerned family member had called wondering what was up. So, I called this sweet lady back. She was worried that maybe we had had a fire or something terrible had happened. Needless to say, she was very relieved that it was only a phone outage.

It's amazing what one short lapse of communication can trigger.

Start 'Em Early

"When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity

in a way that no other reading in your life does..."
 -- Nora Ephron

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If you've ever watched You've Got Mail, you know that quote. It was spoken by the character Kathleen Kelly, the owner of an adorable children's bookstore, and is one of my favorite lines in the entire movie.

I agree with Ms. Ephron with every fiber of my being. As a kid, I read hundreds of thousands of books. My mom called me her little bookworm and I have no idea where most of the books on my little shelf came from. Some were gifts, some came from friends, and some came from thrift stores or garage sales. Somehow, I was always soaking up a new book. I was the kid who hid a flashlight & book under her pillow and suffered a lack of oxygen underneath the covers just so I could find out "what happened next" after I was told to turn out the lights. I am so thankful to my parents for giving me all those pages and encouraging me to read as much as they did! I believe I am a better person because of it.

As a big advocate for inspiring, wholesome children's books, I thought it might be fun to pick out a few of my favorites. So here you go!

These are some of my favorite children's books

that should be found in every little one's library:

Rainbow Fish! How can you NOT love Rainbow Fish?? This is such a great lesson about sharing and putting others above yourself. Fantastic storyline. The paintings and shiny, opal-colored pieces of paper definitely help attract the less-interested child as well. That's always a plus!

Full of energy and comedy, this book will spellbound any child. It starts with giving a mouse a cookie and by the end of it, you'll have to give that mouse a bazillion other things! Adorable and hilarious.

So endearing. My mom used to tear up when she read it to us. This is better for older kids who have been reading for a little while, but if your kid can catch on to repetitive lines, it'll be a good one. It's a good reminder for parents too.

 

And last but most certainly not least, one of my favorite children's authors. Shel Silverstein writes some amazing things for the kids. He also has a number of volumes with comical poems in them, and I highly recommend those as well!  This book happens to be one of my very favorites. It's another lesson in sharing and giving of yourself for others. I've only read it a couple hundred times and every time is as good as the last. The title explains it all. A tree loves a boy and gives everything it can to make the boy happy. Fabulous.

Happy reading!