Monster Me

Today I am not myself.

Well, I wasn't last night either.

Over the past 12 hours or so I have become an evil, green, emotional monster. I terrorize myself by turning molehills into mountains. I run around my house shouting at tiny ants with microscopic brains and vanquishing them with 409, Windex, or anything I can get my hands on. When they crawl on my arm to escape, I slap them as hard as I can. I feel nothing from the sting of the slap because my anger towards the ants is far greater. I violently wipe them away and vigorously mop the floors, pretending the mopping will help me win the battle. When a spider appears after the ants vanish for only a moment, I mercilessly murder that eight-legged critter with the belly of the Windex bottle. I stomp, I wipe, I mop, I groan, I cry. But I cannot win. They are an army and I am one monster. One monster with a million things to do and no time to deal with this relentless army. I think I'll go to bed. Let them storm my house. I don't care.

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Unfortunately, being an evil, green monster does not make anything better. It really wasn't just the ants that pushed my emotional stability over the edge. A bunch of tiny, insignificant things added up and the ants just happened to be the trigger. Poor ants. (They really shouldn't have been there anyway, but still - poor ants.)

And poor hubby. Poor hubby had to deal - and is still dealing - with a defeated, emotional monster. With many little things on my to-do list, everything seemed like a big chore this morning. (On top of all that, I didn't go for my run and my makeup & hairbrush were left in the hubby's car in the repair shop!) So his first sighting of me today was a whiny, sloppy, makeup-less, blubbering wife who packed him a hot dog and a can of raviolis for lunch. Oye. Thank goodness he is patient with me.

I wish I could say I handled everything with peace and patience. I wish I could say that I just took a moment to pray & give my worries to the Lord and trusted Him to help me get everything done gracefully. But I didn't. I trusted in myself and let everything wash me away.

I think right now I am coming out of the emotional funk. I'm still a little highstrung, but I'm realizing that the hubby is right: I am really making big deals out of little things. I need to take another deep breath, give everything to the Lord, and let it go. Prayerfully, I need to go step by step and let go of the little things. My life and the things I do will not be perfect. It's not supposed to be. It's not worth it to get myself all uptight and stress out the people around me. Rest. I will rest in the Lord. Thank goodness He is patient and helps us realize our failures so we can remember to come to Him.

I'm still not wearing makeup & I still haven't brushed my hair (Yes, I did go to work today like that), but it's ok because I know that the Lord cares much more that I learn these lessons than worry about those little things.

Frazzled but feeling less like a monster.